life.... Meaningless, absolutely Meaningless.

The last 4 weeks of my life have been Hell. Literal hell. And throughout this time I have one important thing, Life is Meaningless, nothing is important, truly, the people of this world are cruel, deceptive, rude, self-boasting and constantly trying to bring other down to find some fulfillment in there own personal depression. There are good things in life don't get me wrong, friends, family, loved owns, and having kids. But if you don't have faith in something or believe that there is something greater than ourselves, what is this all about, why is life so important to us and why do we care about the little things?

Those are just some questions that I have come to consider in my time of turmoil and liquidation of sense of self. 

You may know some snippets of what has happened to me the last couple weeks, but lets get deeper.

First I got ran over on the highway while on my motorcycle. I tumbled about 200 feet and ended up with severe 3rd degree burns pretty much everywhere you could possibly imagine. My hands suffered the worse of it, stripping all my skin down to the muscle. My chest and legs we burned as well as my fore arms, but my hands is the only part of my body that needed skin grafts. My medical insurance decided to cover me(Thank the Lord) but my motorcycle insurance is a different story. 3 cases have opened up investigating the crash. Since the liable car that caused the accident fled the scene, I am now the main suspect for liability even though the fault, and 5 witness statements clearly stated I was not at fault. But lets not talk about that, because to me, that is the least of my worries, even though I'm already in debt from school, which is extremely hard to keep up with having 6 classes and being gone 4 weeks due to surgeries and medical problems.

My Best friend since I second grade passed away. I watched him for 2 years battle cancer and watched him decay away. But not once was he not thankful or at peace. Not once did he complain. Not once did he worry about tomorrow or the fact he may never marry or have kids, but that he was alive. And he died. One of the most encouraging, loving, thankful people to ever walk this earth died. Maybe it's the fact he is not here anymore, the fact we can't talk or give each other advice, or the fact we can't share memories or even discuss the name of the girl I like, I think its the fact that while I was in the hospital getting surgery, he slipped, and I couldn't say goodbye, to the one person besides my family who gets me. 

I'm done with this post. But know, even though I'm smiling, and happy and excited. Deep down I'm not okay.